Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I was happy to get back to the office today and see the new carpet in place. I had sufficient breaks to get all my books and pretties back on the newly dusted furniture. The carpet looks really good, and sturdy, which should keep it looking good for some time. Bob took the grand kids to an animal park today while I was working and all four of them had a great day.

Thanks Ruth for a whole array of questions for my question request post. And everybody else, please don't be intimidated by the length of Ruth's lists. I'll just keep at it, one question a day, and will insert other people's questions (if any) between Ruth's. Your first one is one of your easiest Ru.

How do you feel about your birth parents? And do you have any desire to get in touch with them?

I don't really think or feel much about my birth parents very often these days. My birth and childhood seem so long ago. I am who I am and that personhood results from mysterious combination of the genes they gave me,the experiences, love, and training my adoptive parents gave me, and all the experiences and choices I've had and made since. I wonder sometimes (rarely) how having had me during college affected the remainder of my birth parents' lives. I wonder about half siblings. I wonder if my birth parents are still alive. I'm glad I saw my birth father give a lecture once, glad I saw my birth mother's picture in the University yearbook (on the swim team) and glad I heard her voice on he telephone. I hope they have had good lives and wish them well. I am thankful to them for the gift of life - for the particular genetic combination that is me, and for making the best, most responsible decision they could about arranging for my raising.


Ruth said...

I didn't mean to intimidate anyone! I just wanted you to have options (and you know me: once I get started...)

On the birth parent issue: Thanks for the honest answer. I'm so happy for you and proud of you for finding peace with it all. I feel myself more curious lately and less settled about the whole thing. I suspect it has to do with the having-babies-ness of my life at the moment. Was this a bigger issue for you when you were having babies. (And would you be upset if I wanted to try to contact my bilogical grandmother just for medical information--if she's even still alive?)

Mary said...

I just can't imagine not wanting to be in touch with birth parents if it were possible, especially since the parents who raised you are no longer alive. I would just be so curious/ interested, I guess; but that is me. I'd have the great desire to see how I was like these people physically and as far as interests/ life path.

You mentioned seeing your birth father give a lecture once. Did he know you were there? And how did you happen to hear your birth mother's voice on the telephone?

If I were in this position, I would be so very interested in connecting with my half siblings, even moreso at this point than connecting with birth parents. I would like to connect with these people who shared genes with me, see what they looked like (like me in what ways?), what paths they took, etc.

And even thinking only genetically, with medical things, there would be so much to be gained by getting in touch with whoever it was possible to that shared genetics. But I respect different ways of looking at this. It is an interesting subject to me.

SeaStar said...

Interesting, Mary and Ruth, that you both think you would be more interested in contacting birth paretns. No ruth, I was probably less interested even when I was having babies, probably because I was less ware of the power of family connection and resemblance before I saw it unfold with Joanna and you. And yes, its fine with me for you to try to find my birth mother. I called her on the pone once, Mary, and heard her voice but chickened out and didn't identify myself. It was the year I turned fifty. I've been curious, but not curious enough to break through my reluctance and not concerned enough about medical issues. I think my birth father did know who I was at the lecture. I asked him a subject matter related question and gave my name and he looked at me like he knew who I was.

Peggy said...

So interesting Victoria. But maybe you already have all the information you need about your birthparents having seen you birthfather and knowing something about the circumstances of your birth.

Making real contact with birthfamilies really does open up a big can of worms. When my daughter contacted her birthparents a few years ago I think it was out of curiosity. But once curiosity has been satisfied, if you have opened a relationship it is not so easy (or kind) to just drop it. It can be more than you want to deal with. My daughter's situation is pretty good since her birthparents both live at some distance from her. She has commented that she doesn't really want a family kind of relationship with them but they (esp her birthfather) has a different idea.

Personally I would be curious as well but I am not sure I would need to meet them. Just knowing their stories and seeing photos might be enough for me. But who knows.

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