Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Time to beging again, to reassess, another Rosh Hoshannah tomorrow. I think about those in my life who were alive when this year began and are no longer. I especially think of Diane. She had the courage to face all her tomorrows (no umbrellas) I want to take that quality with me into my new cycle of days.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Ruth cut my hair tonight. It's wonderful to have someone in the famiy who can do that so I like it. It's wonderful to be able to eat dinner with the family on the deck and feel a touch of fall in the air. I'm relieved KK is enjoying the beginning of high school, thriving and dancing up a storm, learning that literature is more interesting than she ever expected. Liam is a breath of fresh air, runs into my room to tell me dinner is ready with the joy of innocent childhood and pure love. I feel so appreciative of being loved. Bob took me at lunch today to a program at Ballet Austin, a preview of Stephen Mills new ballet The Mozart Pruject, shich impresses me immensely. I felt so blessed to have a husband who not only shares my interest in the arts but has the organizational skills to figure out what is showing where and get us to various events. I am in a place of counting blessings, especially those that involve feeling loved and cared for.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Hard day at work - so much sorrow and just mental complexity keeping up with people's needs, feelings, plugging in the best systems and thoughts I can to be helpful. Some days are just tougher than others. This evening was great though at home. Bob fixed pasta, Ruth added chicken, and Sir Liam Alot ran around in his knight costume requesting we play "dragon". KK is on the center harness now for the upcoming Blue Lapis Light show, nervous but excited. I spent a couple of hours out in her little house knitting Paula's gorgeous yarn (completely spoiled me now for cheap acryllics!) while KK answered questions for English about a disturbing story by Joyce Carrol Oates - in which a teen age girl has a (hopefully dream) coinfrontation with the devil. I'm impressed that KK has gotten excited by the academic side of school and is enjoying things like learning her figures of speech. She is excited to teach me things I don't know, like that "the lord of the flies" is a name for the devil. Learning to read was so hard for this kid. I think I gave up on ever having conversations like the one tonight with her, accepted that loss, and now it isn't a loss at all. The conversations are happening.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm knitting with the real deal the last few days, yarn hand spun and dyed by a friend I respect immensely for her intelligence, resillience, and individualistic yet connected life. The yarn was a gift at the memorial service of another equally authentic and compassionate friend, and I'm knitting it into a throw for yet another woman of honor, valor, honesty and hilarious delight. The dyes are berries and the colors rich in greens and violets, wines. The growing blanket wraps me in joy. I love that I can be part of a web of connection through needlework. When I was little my grandmother was still participating in sewing circles, quilting bees and being part of such a creative circle was a fantasy of mine. Check that one off the list. Hooray!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I should carry a notepad. Now that I'm trying to blog here again I find myself hiking or riding in the car with an "I should blog that thought" in my mind, but they are not sticking as well as I'd like. One image that did stick is the old joni Mitchell song in which the paved paridise and put up a parking lot. KK and I heard it in a restaurant today, different singer, don't know who. It resonates because I'm still sick over the beautiful little stone house next to my office which was knocked down and is being replaced by an ugly concrete box building which will hold a Mattres Firm store. Even more though, the song says, "You never know what you've got until it's gone." No way! I refuse to live like that. I know what I've got and I know it's precious and II know it or any part of it could be gone any second. I refuse to depend on disasters and crisies to strengthen my desire to savor and cherish life as it is right now.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Today was a very good day - exciting morning participating in a work day at the dance department at KK's arts high school, so much fun sorting and cataloging tons of costume items and getting to know teachers, students, families. I have so many happy memories related to theaters, onstage and backstage, and today fit right in. It is wonderful to see KK thriving at school and in dance (she's doing arial work now, flying upside down in the harness with a troupe called Blue Lapis Light). She added an idea which was accepted into the choreography today. When the orchestra on stage plays "CanCan", the three girls in the harnesses will launch into the dance, upside down! This will bew something to see. Also, it rained just a little today, not enough to ease the drought but soothingly to all and enough to make us remember rain exists. Liam and I took a walk at the very end of dusk, silvery clouds light against the deep dark sky. Liam circled my index finger with his sweet strong grip. "I like the dark, Grandma." he said. I like it too, but it is better to walk in the dark with someone who loves you.
Begin Again
Time to begin again,
to write each day,
to focus on kindness,
to focus, to center,
to write each day.
Time to begin again

Definitely time to beging writing here again. I've been composing in my head, but not typing, overtwhelmed and bogged down, but not by anything bad. KK's school start has been great. i think I was more invested in Mac going well for her than I expected. I need to release the attachment, let the successes and the frustrations be hers and just offer support and cdnnection