Thursday, October 29, 2009

Today blew in like the icon of Halloween. A still humid mild morning shattered in storm. Sporadic pelting rains have bobmarded my office skylight off and on all day. Now, as evening comes early, the biggest wave of storm pushes in from the north and trees, their leaves faded green but yet to color, dance and sway. Tonight the temperature will drop to near forty. Change change and more change blow in this season in every sector of our lives here.

I think the phrase "winds of change" has real wisdom and truth in it. Change is like wind , refreshing, cleansing, disconcerting, unsettling, potentially dangerous - All. I remember how right it seemed when I first heard the oft repeated saying (whether or not true) that the Chinese symbol for change combines the symbols for danger and opportunity. That is so true, even though it has been repeated to the point of cliche.

So here I stand in a swirl of falling leaves, watching the waxing moon this week, realizing that for the first time in years I lost track of the phase of the moon over the last two months. It has been my habit for years to observe the moon cycles, but somehow I lost September and most of October in re-homing activity and frequent nights of cloud. Vow for now is to watch the moon this month, to reconnect. That cycle follows it's pattern whatever else changes. The constancy is in the changes, I think, at least in this life.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Keep me

Keep me gentle,
mindful, hopeful.
Keep me strong,
active, helpful.
Keep my actions
in allignment
with my love.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The temperature will drop twenty degrees or so tonight and it will storm. Today Bob and I took KK, Danny, and Zachary (gorgeous white Cats style cat with feather boa, frightening sparkling Twilight style vampire, and debonair pirate) to the annual symphony orchestra's children's concert. We went intending to buy tickets but somehow got comped, which was great. We've been going to these concerts in or mostly in costume since Joanna and Ruth were little. My feather boa is orange. I'll even wear it to work on Friday - a once a year pleasure. There's still lots of sorting and thinning to do here, but progress has been huge. We have developed a weekend routine which involves trips to the Farmer's Market, which is a highlight of my week. Cooking is more fun than it's been in a very long time - probably because it's shared. Bob worked hard this weekend on selecting three native American songs and creating basic choreography for an assembly at his school in a couple of weeks. I seem to be resisting writing here - maybe because life is just good in a simple way - not sure. I don't want to let this venue slip.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Good weekend - I'm loving shopping at the Farmer's Market Saturday mornings, cooking up vegetables on Saturday and Sunday - lotw of new tastes to try (and old ones reintroduced). Today my favorite dish was tiny yellow and zuchinni squash, picked really young from a nearby farm, and sauteed with a little green onion and some baby bella mushrooms. Other food delight is that Chris has learned to make lemon meringue pie, a childhood favorite. Yum! Bob and I were able to watch K.k.'s whole dance practice for the Chinese routine for the Nutcracker- fun to watch the girls turn I remember little turn into real ballerinas. We visited Joanna and Andrea at their house when we took K.K. home, and that was a delight. Andrea has huge chocolate eyes, so expressive;

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Life is such a balance, that which tires and that which refreshes. Writing promts this week, and the weariness of work well done inspired a couple of poems.


Wildness, beyond wires and buildings
wide horizon unlimited, big sky,
out of time, unconnected, no ringers,
numbers, appointments, one right answer
feet on the ground, wind water sounds.
Unexpected animal activity, coyote howl,
Peregrine in pine, Western Pygmy butterflies.
Mystery, unexpected secrets, freedom.
Wildness, beyond designed thought,
evokes words, peace, rest, joy.

Erev Shabbat (my favorite holy day)

The sun on the tree tops no longer is seen.
Week over, work over, responsibilities lain,
Candles lit, light gathered, weary faces smile.
Wordless song rises into cooling night.
All is never right with the world.
Ever Shabbat, I let my troubles rise.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Liam has beaten his mother's record for early walking in our family. He walked at eight months almost exactly (Yesterday for the first time consistently) and Ruth walked at nine months. He is darling, grinning, toddling from person to person - and especially back into Mama's arms, with huge grin. He also has his first shoes and stands steadily in them. lifting the heavy shoes to walk is an effort, though he managed it today sereral times, second day with shoes. The shoes were bought just in time because it is cooling off (in the forties tomorrow night) and new walker that he is the boy wants his feet on the ground.

Andrea, I think, will wait until a more reasonable age to walk because she is VERY mobile crawling on all fours. She gets where she wants to go. Liam did a fine army crawl but skipped all fours crawling to get on his feet.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I know worrying is useless. I know most children who get swine flu have mild cases and recover quickly. I know the lives of children I love are no more precious than the lives of any other children, including the far too many children starving, living in war zones, suffering all over the world. And still, when I look at Liam taking his first brave unassisted steps across the kitchen floor, I think about the five year old girl who went to school a few blocks away from my office and died of swine fluy yesterday. She was healthy before she got the flu, had a pediatrician her mother called, just got sick and died within a few days. It scares me. The scared part of me wants to just close the office and hope they'll close the schools and everybody hole up - and that doesn't really make sense, so I gather my faith and courage for one more day,

Monday, October 12, 2009

Prepare to read a bunch of catch up over the next few days - but not so much tonight. My time in Corpus with Bob was great, both personally and with regard to school and back pack program kick off. I need to be responsible and sleep before the work week starts - but all is very good. One tid bit, at a Corpus birding trail we met a retired entomologist from Wisconsin (warm and delighted, excited, knowledgable, delightful woman) who showed us the tiniest butterfly in the United STates (the Western Pygmy Blue) which is truly tiny and was hiding out in the depths of wildflowers to escape the cool morning. Butterflies our guide taught us, are easy to spot after a cold windy night because they are hungry and out seeking nectar desparately. I didn't know that.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Schedule book found (OK Ruth foound it - thank you Ruth) under my bed where I had looked several times. It is great to have help and great to have my artificial brain back in place. I really depend on that schedule book.
I feel a bit crazy this afternoon. The schedule book that holds my professional brain has disappeared. I have no idea who is coming for app[ointments this afternoon or tomorrow or when, so I just sit at the front desk between sessions and greet all comers. So far, everyhing has worked fine - but it's disconcerting. I have NEVER misplaced the schedule book - have good routines for keeping up with it. I've looked hard at the office and at home. I'm hoping it is in Chris' car - maybe fell out of my bag when I was taking it home Friday. Got to find the thing, but no ppoint in writing more about it.

On more interesting points, it's a chaotic but productive day for Joanna, Ruth, Chris and Tracy. They have the moving truck again and are moving the couch and glorious chair and a half and some other large items from Ruth's house to ours and then Joanna's furniture to Ruth's house. A big job, though Joanna and Tray have done a lot of the moving out already. At least the houses where most of the stuff is are only a few blocks apart. It will be fun to go home and see our house with real furniture in the living room (and beautiful furniture at that).

On the Grandma front, I really really really must spend more time with Andrea and the boys. I get K.K. because of her dance schedule and the location of the studio and Liam because of the co housing, but Andrea is still quite justifiably afraid of both Bob and me - really wary. That won't do for much longer. Got to win that little heart. Of course even Liam, who knows me well, much prefers parental arms when distressed. The boys at least I know well and they me - always great hugs and conversations, just not enough time together. I'm proud of Danny for winning an award at school for kindness and cooperation - real strengths of his. K.K. won some kind of general good student award too, not sure exactly. She's a Chinese dancer in the Nut Cracker this year as expected. It's funny how routine and yet how special the Nut Cracker is for our family now. The first year she was an angel was such a big deal. Now it is just a good part of our life.

WE had a little dinner party ;last ight - Jean and Mark with house residents and Joanna dropped in at just the right moment. I lovecooking for peopke I love - and using farmers' market produce makes it even better. The crew loved the patty pan squash, which made me inordinately happy. Even with my schedule book lost, life is good.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Asking for and accepting help has reached a new level for me. I was feeling completely overwhelmed trying to get my stuff organized in my new smaller bedroom. It seemed like everything I tried was only partially succesful and I was using up my energy at work and on the rest of the house and the belonging pruning. This afternoon I asked Ruth to help me just a little with my room - just to organize my thinking. Then I had to go back to work. When I came home she had made the space beautiful and usable, reorienting the bed, putting the ce3dar chest in the clset and moving dressers out to be more accessible - just really taking care of me by taking care of my space. That is the sweetest thing about htis cohousing for me - being taken care of sometimes. Dishes get washed, food prepared, laundry folded wihtout my doing it. Treats come into the house without my bringing them. I feel like I get the best parts of bing a child - the surprises and the care while getting to do the same kind of nurturing for the others.