Saturday, January 19, 2008
Yesterday began a new chapter. I wrote on my birthday that the last few years had not been transition years for our family - no births , no close deaths except family elders. That all has just changed. After five years of yearning and much doubt and sadness, RUTH IS PREGNANT. Just barely - and f course pregnancy is an uncertain course and there is a part of me that was standing back a little from the joy of this news, staying rational, objective. But today Ruth posted the news on her blog - complete with glowing pictures of herself and Chris (who has been yearning for family as much as she has) and she wrote that she isn't holding back. She is rejoicing, and if she loses this pregnancy, then she will grieve and we can grieve with her. I love that transparency - not reason to keep our joys and sorrows close - so many reasons to invite intimacy by letting our life cycle events be known. So, while last night, after just getting the news, I was guardedly optimistic, deeply tender towards Ruth and Chris, tonight I would be turning cartwheels if I could do so without breaking my neck. I'm imagining/remembering baby Ruth in the cradle of my arms, the warmth of her little head, the soft skin under wispy curls, the tiny hand grasping at my hair, stroking my face. I'm remembering baby sell, the weight of head in crook of arm - and I'm thrilled and hopeful and ready for a new chapter.