Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I am noticing things about myself tonight.

I was utterly thrilled with the news that Ruth and Chris are going to have a baby, and deeply honored to be the first family member told - and yet I realis from reading Ruth's blog that my immediate response was subdued compare to others. No tears, no happy dances at the table, just deep quiet pleasure for them. I don't think I feel less. I am very willing to commit eotionally to this pregnancy. I'm not a WASP, and don't think of myself as being especially restrained emotionally - but - I don't know. I am excited and delighted about this pregnancy and will look more at my style of reacting to good news. People need to be able to tell one is excited and delighted - right?

Also, I seem to be having trouble thinking of things to write about that aren't related to other people - to my roles in support of and realtion to other people. I don' t think htat's always true, but it is right now.

I also seem to be procrastinating scrapbooking - which I think I really want to do and believe is important. I don't want family stories lost - so off computer - to scrapbooking room.


Dixi said...

It is also sometimes hard for ME to think of things to blog about that are only about 'me' and not about other people or things that I do. Especially knowing that others might read them. There is, for me, often the censor overseeing my writing -- trying to make sure I don't regret something I write about 'self' when I feel differently another day.

Ruth said...

I'm the same way ("reserved" for lack of a better word). I don't like it abotu myself and it bothered me that other people had cried tears of joy about my pregnancy than I did but I think it just is what is... we are who we are and faking it would be anathma to the whole idea of wanting to be authentically (and obviously) happy. For all I'm transparant in many ways I'm also just not a "show of emotion" type person.

As for the what to write about you and not your roles--I suspect that comes and goes in phases (it sure does with me). And blogging is an interesting format to share self revealing information in. It lends itself more traditionally to the newsy-update or the subject specific, or the occasional rant than to the personal exploration tool.