It's been a hard weekend - hard events and frustration with myself for not feeling as much physical or emotional resilience as usual. I want to want to be constantly supportive and available for all I love - and right now I also want to pull the covers over my head and hide - not so much RIGHT now - Bob did a great job of comforting me earlier this evening and I feel myself reviving a little. It's wonderful how being actively comforted can actually produce a feeling of increased comfort.
Sammi (K'K's puppy) was hit by a car this evening early. She is alive, at the emergency vet hospital, with damage to her mouth but, we know now, likely to recver completely. She was bleeding heavily from the mouth and that was part of what was so scary. They were thinking brain damage - but the blood was actually coming FROM her mouth, not just through it. The accident happened when Danny responded to a knock on the door (Girl Scouts selling cookies) and Sammi rushed out into the street. Joanna ran right after her but a car just ran into her and sped away. Three other cars stopped to help. K.K. of course was hysterical, and pretty much stayed that way while she and Joanna got the bloody dog into the car and, with phone instructions from Bob, found the difficult to see emergency vethospital.
Bob and I met them at the hospital but didn't see Sammi. She was anesthesized and X-Rayed and the vet thought even then she had a good chance of recovery. K.K. had calmed down (stopped actively crying but had very red face and eyes from crying) and Joanna was adreniline shaky. She handled the whole scene much better than her mother did. I felt completely inadequate to think fast or be comforting - just didn't feel up to being the mother and grandmother that was needed in that moment. Bob was perfect and made up for my inadequacy as much as one person can make up for another. I often feel judgemental when people say the "can't handle" something and I feel very judgemental when I'm the person who isn't responding optimally.
Also, Ruth has the flu which is a concern in pregnancy, but I don't consciously feel worried - even if I should. I had the flu at about the same point in my pregnancy with Joanna and nothing bad happened. I hate it that she is miserable. I don't know if some of my exhaustion comes from suppressing worry that she and/or the baby won't be OK. My conscious mind is not going there.
And, trivial but annoying, I have lost my voice -mostly allergy because we've had high winds and also the result of a cold, I think.
A good reason for losing my voice was having fun last night at a party unusual for me, a traditional quincenera - fifteenth birthday party mass and party after for the niece of a church friend. It was KK's, Joanna's and my first quincenara and we all liked it. After she got over shyness about dancing among people she didn't know, K.K. never left the dance floor - beautiful shining child in her new brown, rose and gold silky dress with swingy skirt, learning all kinds of new moves. The cute wedgey shoes I bought for her because she liked them so much and wanted something with "a little heel" had been kicked off early on. The dancing was multigenerational, low pressure, and happy, like dancing I remember at Czech events when I was a kid. Even tired and hoarse, I was happy to be there.
So even on a difficult weekend, I had fun and am very thankful for Bob's tenderness toward me.