Saturday, February 06, 2010

I just learned that a woman I've known for years through an on line community died suddenly last night (or maybe earlier today?). I don't know what happened. I know she was on line yesterday playing Farmville. I know she had heart surgery in the past, but if she was ill this winter, I didn't know it. I really didn't know her well - liked, respected, enjoyed her - knew bits and pieces of her life story as she knew bits and pieces of mine. I know she leaves a husband, son, grandchildren who she loved intensely and spoke of with great warmth. I know they have to be in shocked grief right now and I don't know them at all, not enough that my comfort would be significant.

Another member of the same onlind community died last spring.

We're in our late fifties and sixties now, my contemporaries and I. There will be more deaths and they will come closer together. All I can do is be as good to everyone as I can and work harder on family pictures and stories so I will leave less undone that only I can do if I'm next to die. And anyway, it's good to get the stories shared. Tomorrow will be a day that allows me time for that kind of project. Tonight I think I'll take a bath, remember my friend, try to let her death soak in. Denial is so wierd. I don't even want to go out into the living room and tell Ruth and Chris she died, because I don't want it to be true and telling people anything always makes it seem more real.

5 comments:

Ruth said...

I'm stuck under the baby--come tell me--who?

Heidi said...

Dear Victoria, I am sorry for your loss of your friend. We, too, have had several close on-line friends die (or are close to death as I type). It is as heartrending as friends we know face-to-face - even though we have never actually seen their faces in person. For us, it is partly a consequence of us meeting and bonding with others who have terminal cancer. But yes, death is still hard, it is hard to know how to communicate to the family the loss you are feeling and the comfort you want to offer. I think this is where prayer is such a help for me. I offer to One who does hear and understand. Then I can offer condolences without any worries of acceptance, or understanding.

Love you.

Victoria said...

Heidi, I am sad for you and Joe in the losses of your friends. Thank you for your sweet and timely comment, and for your prayers.

Mary said...

Lois' death was so hard for me too. I am thinking so much about her today. I realize that so often I expect things to go on as the status quo. And they don't. Life is hard and short.

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