Our weekend was busy with pre-Halloween activities including a multi -generational party for members at the Children's museum. We took our crew and KK's best friend Allison, and we all had fun. I am such a kid, loved walking in the costume parade from City Hall to the museum flapping my orange feather boa behind the band. The party was skillfully planned and really delightful - with craft opportunities, a chance to get really creative balloon creatures, lots of friendly people in ingenious costumes, and lots of love for their kids.
The hours leading up to the party had been packed full with Nut Cracker related activities including the photo shoot. It was fun to see KK in her Bon Bon costume - a red and white striped confection, and even more fun to see her enjoying being in the costume with her dancing friends. Bob and I also took the kids to the costume store to pick out Halloween costumes, Batman(Danny), Robin (Zach) and an adorable witch (KK).
Lately I wonder about the balance in my life. I am spending lots of time with the kids, helping them, taking care of them, and being delighted by them. I'm working long hours. I read and write and kind of keep house. I talk to Bob on the phone most days and he and I co-grandparent on the weekends he comes home, which is most of the. I think I will be satisfied that Bob and I lived our fifties this way if we both live into our healthy eighties or later - but if he were to die or become terribly incapacitated soon I would feel pretty awful about giving him (and enjoying with him) as little as I do. If I were to die or lose function soon, I think I'd be guilty of not having given enough to this good man and my marriage with him. But when I think of trying to do a major redo on our life - with much more time together and less other focus on my part, I feel overwhelmed and don't know what I would or could change.
I am still feeling the residual horror of the southern California fires ( and distress that a human could/would/did cause such horror on purpose. I hope all of you and your families out there aren't suffering too much from poor air quality - deeply disturbing. My friend Peggy, who lives in Orange County, wrote the following poem about her experience with the aftermath of the fires.
The orange-gray sky of smoke
and flame hangs heavy like some
scene from Hell. It's clear why
Dante decided to make Hell burn,
surely a nightmare with stinging eyes
and rasping throat and the orange
glow that passes for sunlight. Yet
against this Heironimous Boschesque
sky a green humming bird hovers
unaware sucking nectar from the
cape honeysuckle flutes, a reminder
that even now life goes on.
Peggy GoetzOct. 28, 2007