Friday, December 28, 2012

Darkness and light 28

When I was just eighteen I met Kerry Sullivan, the man who became my first true love and the father of my children. It would be dishonest and wierd not to count Kerry as one of those people who was a light in my life, who passed on particular lessons of light. I was crazy in love with the man and felt his tender care and admiration wrap me like the magic circle of his arm...s. Raising kids with him was delight and the family we created together was the biggest goal for each of us and for the two of us together. But that is just the texture of our life together. I think the big light Kerry turned on for me was his absolute undying confidence in me to come through when the chips were down or die trying. He didn't expect perfection or magic or immortality, of either one of us. When he saw beginning to die he focused his own effort and attention on doing so with grace and without leaving loose ends. He did a great job. I didn't. In fact pitched a fit and shrieked that I couldn't live without him, he grabbed me by the shoulders, stared straight into my eyes and said "You can if you have to, and you'll do a damn good job of it!" He hadn't been surprised that I had been able to get through a terrifying middle of the night fire experience and keep both girls safe. He trusted me to be able to do what I needed to do, one foot in front of the other through the fog or in the heat of the moment. That trust, that respect, is something that healed me deeply and is the way I strive to feel toward others.


Mary said...

Nice post,Victoria. One foot in front of the other resonates strongly with me.

mary j. said...

Victoria, this is such a beautiful summary of Kerry, the light he was, and what he taught you. I feel that I have learned a lot about grief from you and how you have shared about the process of Kerry dying, your grief, and building your life since.