I am so far behind - time to resort to bullet format and stream of consciousness and just get everything down that seems important at all.
-Bob turned 61 on Saturday and I revived his mother's wonderful tradition of letting the birthday person be "boss for the day". It was so much fun for me to be at his beck and call and see what he would want to do. We started the day with a walk on Town Lake, ended with a local (tiny funky theater that supports local artists) performance of the play Circle Mirror of Transformation, which we both enjoyed, though it was set in a creative drama class and caught some of my vulnerabilities about times I have "made a fool of myself" in pursuit of creative goals. I have not been sure if I like naturalistic theatre, but I think I do when it is done with a sensitive touch. I feel some redemption that I tried to write some more naturalistic scripts, with pauses and awkward human interactions when I was younger and was told audiences would be bored - apparently not always today. Liam and Ruth baked Bob a wonderful lemon birthday cake with the word "celebration" written in candles - and this man sure deserves celebrating. Chris fixed spicy and low fat chicken and steak on the grill with the best pineapple chipolte sauce I've ever tasted. We talked at dinner - with K.K. present, about the things we love about Bob, including his trip planning, his attention to making sure we communicate fully, his willingness to admit and change when he has made a mistake, and his radical acceptance of us all with our quirks and mistakes. I am crazy in love with my husband, more than ever as our relationship seems to catch up with it's history. What started in innocent hope has moved through challenges of blended family, health problems, career change, to a place of tremendous mutual respect and increasing teamwork.
-Housing changes are coming fast and furious and not nailed down yet - more as that shifts. Probably K.K. will live with us during the school year while her family moves to San Antonio for work. And we still have to get Bob home all the way, the stuff as well as the man.
-Bob is visiting his parents in Blacksburg on Thursday. I'm sad I chose to stay here and work, but it's probably a good thing since work is demanding and delightful right now.
-I'm newly addicted to hills work outs on the treadmill at the gym and both Bob and I continue to lose weight and feel more fit, about which I am a bit heady.
-I struggle with my desire to make everything perfect or at least good for everybody I love all the time (nothing new there) and am more and more seeing that this is a growing edge for me, letting go of needing to buffer pain for those I love.
-Irrational physiological anxiety will probably always be part of my life, and that pisses me off, but I am determined to neither deny the anxiety or be ruled by it. I have anxiety. Anxiety does not have me.
-The online poetry community is COOL, and I want to devote more time to becoming a stronger part of it. i don't just want to, I will!
-Old friends celebrated Marie's birthday Sunday night. It was great. Nothing like old friends. I remember her thirtieth birthday celebration. I remember meeting her when Joanna was the age Liam is now! Time does pass and that's not all bad. Roots grow deep with time.
-Kerry has been dead 21 years - bizarre! I remember some of the events of the summer of his death as if they happened yesterday, and yet that time almost seems like another person lived it. I'm thankful for both of my marriages, both of my lives.
-It has been a relatively moderate and very green summer. Crepe myrtle season is past it's peak, but the flowers of that summer plant are still visible in a variety of colors and please me deeply. Red bud is early spring, Crepe myrtle high summer.
-It's James' birthday today. I'm proud of the way he and Joanna have managed their separation and continued to both parent their kids. He is taking the kids to his family's ranch for the midweek, and that is something they all look forward to.
-I've been visiting Northwest Pool (walking distance) on summer afternoons for more than 31 years and there is not much more delightful than a summer afternoon at your neighborhood pool, especially with whichever generation of family babies in tow.
-Hummus, especially citrus or black pepper, pineapple, and blueberries are my favorite summer foods - oh, ahd cashews with black pepper.
-The moon has been a rising crescent this week, probably half tonight, and I just learned that after full, Bob's favorite shape of moon is the lemon slice, barely still a crescent, just short of half. My favorite, maybe even more than full, is the very first visible crescent, just tiny and barely visible. For me that is hope's moon. What is your favorite phase of the moon?
-Usually moderation in bedtime is good for me but once in a while, like tonihgt, absorboing enough silence to allow a crazy flow of writing is more valuable than sleep.
-For the ump-hundreth time, Life is good and life is hard. Most everything is multidetermined. Those seem to be my most familiar anchoring statements lately. And real really is better than perfect (because it is possible).
Nobody's perfect. That's for sure.
Not me, no where close. Imperfect.
So it's good nobody's perfect as
long as each of us remembers
nobody's perfect. That's for sure.
July 14, 2010