Friday, January 20, 2006

Yesterday was an odd and full day - many different moments and feelings.

Struggling clients - so much pain when people who started relationships in hope as we all do, get caught in blame and worrying about who is more wrong. So futile! Every moment is so precious. I remind myself tonight that it doesn't matter who is more right, more wrong. Communicating love matters.

Lunch with Bill - discussions of writing (and my NOT writing because story ideas feel elusive - are elusive - these days) There is such comfort and freedom in old friendships -

More old friendships - Dinner was Jean's treat for me and Joanna - a baseball clinic for women at UT, complete with Mexican dinner and speeches by coaches, and players. Keith Moreland hosted, so charming. Odd that Jean and he and I all have history being UT students around the same time. We should still be young. Ruth writes in her photojournal about not feeling "like a grown up" and I don't feel "older". I did have a great time and actually won an amazing prize in the raffle - a National League baseball signed by Rookie of the Year Huston Street, son of the quarterback of the National Championship Longhorn football team from my fresman year in 1969, and my all time favorite Texas baseball player.

After dinner downer- I realized how critical I can be when we went to pick up the kids at Kid's Space and KK had forgotten to do her homework, Danny had misplaced his glasses, and Zachary was just walking around being three. I was so frustrated with them all and made a bad situation worse, got us all to the point of tears or beyond. I spent time afterward reflecting on my values - and I realised that I forget to be kind and am definitely not competent when I am trying to instill values of koindess and competence in the kids. And I also forget how much criticism hurts when you are little - how hard it is to get everything right. I need to remember to value their happiness and trust that they will learn all they need to learn.

1 comment:

Ruth said...

Awesome prize!

I like how you right about the joy of long friendship. I think about how you and Jean have such a special long lasting relationship--how you have been so much more than "friends" to eachother over the years. And I understand why people want their kids to live on campus. Doing school the way I did I didn't have that sort of life experience and now I wish I did have those friendships. I know that college, work, and motherhood are the places most women make their lifeling friendships. And I didn't do college that way, work for myself, and am not a mother yet. I'm not lonely because I have an amazing marriage and a wonderful family network but I do hope I get it right as a new mom. I want that sort of community. You made it look so easy when we were young!