Today has been a better day. I still have a number of clients and friends really struggling, suffering, but there were a few lighter sessions today and Bob and I ate Mexican supper out at our neighborhood dive. I had fun with KK, who is putting together costume bits for her musical this weekend. She was in a sparkly mood, and that brightened my mood. I know I am at a change point in my life, that sixty isn't that different than fifty except that it's a decade closer to the end, whenever that will come. The idea of wrapping up my career, my life, making sure there are as few loose ends as possible seems more crucial, and yet I am far from feeling done.

Passover is over. I think I have not done as good a job as most years of celebrating freedom or freeing myself of bad habits or wrong thinking. I guess one good thing about Jewish holidays is that you always get another chance if you live another year. Ruth mad great matzoh ball soup though.

Bob and I are down at the coast tonight. We have been doing some research for a scene in the novel which will happen down here. It's been a sweet day. We were entertained by a surreal chorus of bull frogs, and a got a great look at one of the fat shiny green amphibans. I've seen plenty off frogs and toads, but not the bull variety, which is impressive, both to see and to hear in full mating frenzy. Aransas National Wildlife Refuge was the venue for this froggy concert and it was also there we saw a large alligator swimming in the bay. I've seen them there on land or lying in a pond, but not swimming in the bay. It really did look like a log at first, but a SWIMMING log, later with a clearly visible head. That was impressive and fun to watch as long as I didn';t think too much about hte teeth. Tomorrow we will wander backroads collecting ambiance, then pick KK up in San Antonio after a little Easter time with the Christian branch of the family and head home. I like our runaways when we manage them.

WE had our sedar tonight on the patio, child scale. Liam presided in such delighted glory it warmed my heart. Whe I arrived home from work Liam ran to the car just bursting with joy to tell us we had matzoh balls - and boy did me, luscious in Ruth's homemade soup. We had wine, singing, love around the table, a tradition changing as the family changes but keeping the essence the same - a holiday of conscience and freedom.

Passover rivals the fall high holy days as a favorite for me. I love the sense of lightening up, the loosing of bonds, the remembering that whatever i have is enough. I actually have so much more than enough it isnot only more than enough to eat, more than enough comfort, beauty, opportunities, family, friends.

Bob and I shared curry out - new to us thai restaurant full of sophisticated looking people - austin sophisticated, which is an odd assortment of denim, tye die, silk, and expensive techno gadgets at every table. The food and company were delightful.

Long work day. My realization today was that I probably won't be working full time in ten years - that seventy is ten years after sixty and I don't see myself working full time at seventy. Ten years ago doesn't seem very long at all. The idea of not living life as I kn ow it with the office central in ten years is startling.

As the sunsets and the moon rises Passover begins. Ruth and I finished koshering the kitchen (more or less) about an hour early and had a picnic on the lawn with Liam, drinking nonkosher for Passover malt beverage and filling a bird feeder with sunflower seeds. I am thinking seriously about Passover this year, both the theme of traveling light, reducing attachments physical and emotional and the theme of freedom, especially freedom from ego.

It is supposed to be 97 tomorrow. I'm not ready, never ready for 97 in April!

I'm thinking about hard times and how people get through them, foot in front of foot. I think I don't apply that kind of intense mindfulness enough in easier times and so I trip over my feet and get too easily distracted, startled, ahead of myself. So, one step at a time, even when the waxing moon rises bright and the wind chimes sing of springtime.

Bob and KK and i went to see the musical Carousel tonight. I just came inside from sitting out in KK's little house with her for half an hour while she cried herself to sleep over the death of Billy Bigelow (who killed himself after being caught in a mugging into which he was tempted because he wanted money to take care of the baby with whom he had just learned his wife was pregnant). The plot of this musical is so wrong b y today's standards - all good girl falls in love with bad boy, puts up with his abuse, and tries without success to save him from himself. It is such a universal theme and it scares me that I can still feel its' pull and Kk is totally a sucker for it.

Today was a good ordinary day, and springlike in temperature, not overwarm. Bob and I watched the Longhorns win a baseball game at dusk. It was relaxing to sit in the ball park together on a misty, windy evening, neither cold nor warm. Bob watched ball palyers and birds through his binoculars and I knitted a stripe into a lush green shawl that particularly pleases me.

bob and KK and I saw the dress rehearsal of the spring recital for the high school dance program she will be in next year - excellent! Really impressive. As well as doing a rich and varied stage program, the kids performed with a local arial dance company, glorious wall work with flying. Iwonder what KK's dance future holds and feel happy wondering.

We drove down to San antonio tonight to see Zachary, third grader, play the dog Sandy in his shool's production of parts of the musical "Annie". He was precious and funny wiht his floppy ears and doggie postures, got a couple of good laughs,and was pleased with himself after. It was a treat to see him blossom. I'm proud of him for trying out for hte part, getting it, and doing a good job in the show.

Its been almost a month since I've written here, or feels like that at least, really not quite three weeks. Time feels fast and slow and all mixed up. I'm working hard at work and at home which is goopd and sometimes difficult. Ruth and Liam and I planted Gerber daisies in the front yard this morning, in front of the deck that's been there barely a year if that. K.K. and I took Zumba class together this afternoon. She sparkled and I sputtered, but I made it through and felt more alive for moving my body. Bob and I wrote letters for Amnesty International with the local action group, our third month now, and I'm beginning to feel like a real part of this group and getting to know some of the people slightly. The abuses of human rights all around the world are horrifying and it does feel good to be able to do or write a little to fight those horrors. It is hot here, which doesn't seem right for April, like summer skipped spring. I don't like that. The heat isn't bad, but the untimeliness bothers me.