I should get dressed and go to work - someone will be waiting for me to be fully present to his very challenging, life shattering problems - and I will be ready and do a good job. But I just read Ruth's entry this morning about the whole process of moving on from the death of the baby - the what to do with the onsies kind of questions that are the bread that feeds coming back toward life in the early stages of loss, and I needed to write down how much I grieve that all of us (especially Ruth and Chris) can't have this baby this fall abd have this set of dreams come true.