Bob and the kids and I are fighting off death (of the Friedling) by putting a garden in the ground. Nothing is a more basic assertion of the possibility of life than planting. The kids are excited, and it was fun digging in the earth with them. We've divided the little garden patch into four quarters, one for each kid and one for Bob and me. K.K's planting sunflowers, along with several kinds of vegetables. Danny, who loves to teat them -has the tomatoes, and as is a tradition in our family Zachary, as the youngest, gets the fast sprouting radishes.

Ruth's home and resting - has more tests tomorrow - ER doc thinks it was a "near miscarriage" and suspects she will finish miscarrying within days. I don't want to accept that possibility. They saw a healthy, active baby on ultrasound - good heart rate. Its odd after she passed so much tissue. Even the doc said "You never know." hopefully she will get more information tomorrow. Positive information.

She and Chris seem OK (whatever that means) - worn out and scared but mostly waiting. They are good at hanging onto each other. I think they will come through this strong (though grieving) should they lose this babe. But Ruth told me on the phone that her heart will break if this baby dies, and my heart will break if her heart breaks. And anyway - I already feel so attached to the Friedling - to someone very real. I wonder how many times in a lifetime the average heart breaks?

I hate it that this has happened just when they had really relaxed about the pregnancy and told the community at syanagogue and started picking nursery colors and buying onsies. I haven't given up on this pregnancy though. NOBODY thought I could carry Ruth to term.