Lots of feelings tonight.

Just listened to Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton debate here in Austin - so classy both of them with good ideas and (with one small exception on her part) avoiding negativity and sticking to issues. I am reassured that we have a good chance of electing one of these pepole President. I believe, from several positive comments Hillary Clinton made about John Edwards that she's hoping he would be her vice presidential nominee (just a hunch based on her mentions of him)

I'm thrilled that Ruth had a good normal pregnancy appointment yesterday. They saw the baby (beginning to b e truly baby shaped) on the sonogram and heard the heart beating on the doppler. Ruth was thrilled to learn that, once they have heard the heart, the miscarriage rate drops from 20& to 2%. Its surreal and marvelous that after all the concern about infertility, they are simply or at least seem to be ) having a baby in the ordinary way. The joy is really soaking in. She also felt a bit better today, though still struggling with not feeling like eating and knowing she needs to nourish that baby. Chris is sick with some sort of ear pain, and I'm sad he's miserable now that Ruth is feeling better.

Poor Joanna works too hard - suffering the mixed blessings of being good and consciencious at her job, being "indespensible" at work when she has children to raise. Actually, I'm proud of her efforts to keep balance - but its so hard. I'm also proud of K.K. for calling me tonight for telephone help with vocabulary homework instead of waiting too late.

Another bit of news of significance is that K.K has obtained her first pointe shoes - a big deal with a special fitting wiht the teacher present and a class in how to sew the heels for appropriate fit. She is taking this milestone very seriously and I am enjoying sharing it with her.

Bob's still struggling wiht his feelings about his competence as a teacher and that makes me sad. He thinks his limitations regarding classroom management really impair his effectiveness. His principal observes him tomorrow.

I feel shaky and anxious tonight for no good reason (don't think I'm worried about Bob's observation. I think he is doing way better than he thinks he is) - a waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling. I don't know why.

Sometimes being a grown up is hard. I wish I could know everyone I love would be safe always. And I wish I could just curl up in someone's lap and know that he/she had the power to keep me and mine safe. But I don't even believe that about God - source of energy, strength, ability to stay in love not ego during stress - but not a source of safety.