Short post tonight. Bob will be home any minute after a frustrating work week teaching kids who were keyed up and not paying attention. I want to welcome him to a peaceful weekend - no more stress. I'm thankful for my own work week, busy, productive, but not difficult or stressful.

Last night was my first experience with reading a piece of a published essay at a book event. The book is STRICKEN, The 5,000 Stages of Grief. And WOW! The reading was an amazing event. The local independent book store ( Book People) expected (set up chairs for) about 50 people and closer to 200 showed up - maybe more. They stood and milled all around in back and way off to the sides of the original seating area, so it was hard to tell. My friend, one of the co-editors (Spike Gillespe) is quite a local character and much loved in liberal Austin circles. She was a wonderful host for the proceeding and said kind things about many of us who read, and about me in particular. Ruth, Chris, Ruth's friend Bryn my business partner Bill, and several clients and friends came mostly for me, and the support felt great.

I think I read well - Ruth and Chris and Bryn said I read well. I'd been really nervous for most of a week, but calmed down as time got closer and after I had practiced and timed my reading about 20 times ( Who has or at least an anxiety disorder and a tendency to over prepare? Not me, never!) Five minutes goes fast in a reading. I had to edit carefully to stay in the time allotted. I was also calmed and centered greatly by the advice of a friend to remember the needs of the audience, rather than focusing on my own feelings. That worked.

Apparently I brought many people to tears, which was not my intention, but which was OK in a grief context. I was moved to tears myself by the pain and recovery and impressed by the writing of many of the other contributors. I got amazing lengthy applause, which felt good - and the books sold fast enough that the book store people had to replace the initial stash on the table up front. Contributors will get our books soon. The books are available for prepurchase on line and will will be widely available in Mach. There's actually a social network for contributors too and fans of the book, which is kind of cool. I just joined. http://strickenbygrief.ning.com/ One can also purchase books there.

In the sleety night I stepped out onto the porch just to look at the sky and the trees and was startled to see a beautiful, fat, brilliant crimson cardinal taking shelter in my hedge, just a few feet from my front door. I was both delighted and concerned, but he was gone in the morning, so I assue he survived both ice and neighborhood cats. Caleb, our cat, was intdoors with me, staying warm, no threat to feathered beauties.

It's sleety out - always an unpleasant novelyty in Austin. I keep peaking out hte door and watching the wind stir the hedges. Cold out there! And I'm nervous about reading my grief essay at Book People tomorrow night. A friend reinded me to think about hte listeners, not myself - and that helps. Both the weather and stage fright make me choose today's quote.

Art - and life - is about improvisation, discovery and awe. It is about leaning over the edge and staring deep into the abyss. It's about staring into our own inadequacies and, just as we think we might come up short, finding the answer that we need was there all the time. As we create we not only reveal Reality, we reveal ourselves.
Todd Henry

"This moment of peril must be turned to one of progress," President Barack Obama

I'll take that as the quote of the day, whether we're talking about global national, or personal issues. Seems like many people I know are struggling - and achieving transformations - on all fronts.

I'm happy tonight, glowing, so pleased with my two pregnant daughters and my good close friends. Both daughters are well showered now. And my room is becoming a nest or grandbaby rocking. I write with a smile on my face.

We were made to enjoy music, to enjoy beautiful sunsets, to enjoy looking at the billows of the sea and to be thrilled with a rose that is bedecked with dew… Human beings are actually created for the transcendent, for the sublime, for the beautiful, for the truthful... and all of us are given the task of trying to make this world a little more hospitable to these beautiful things.
Desmond Tutu

There's a new White House web site for the new administration - very cool, with everything from historic White House pets and quotes and biographies from former Presidents to Obama policies on just about everything of importance to an up to date blog on Presidential actions and a video of his first weekly address (this time about the recovery program). White House web site is http://www.whitehouse.gov/. Thanks Mary J.

People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering.
St. Augustine

Disturbing today. I learned that an eighty five yeat old woman was burned to death in a house fire last week on the street I walk down to the bus stop. I was reminded of our own terrible house fire and my terror believing Joanna had burned to death. I am shaken thinking about that woman's terror trapped in her house, and hoping that, even given how she died, she was satisfied with having been able to stay in her house to the end of her life. I think that would be true for me - even in the face of the terror of a firey death. This incident somehow makes me want to work for a renewal of a clser neighborly feel.

I think I need a new theme now that Martin Luther King Day and the inauguration are behind us and the babies aren't quite here yet. I am short on words, but want to keep up the habit of writing something here every day. I have noticed this week that economic anxieties are hitting a wide variety of people I know and meet, at work and otherwise, and it is hard not to feel anxious around all that anxiety. I keep just breathing in and breathing out - knowing worrying doesn't help. That's true about anxiety about my daughters and their babies too. I heard a story this week of a young woman who is terribly ill wiht HELLP syndrome after giving birth to her twins, and it scares me. And I work to keep breathing in and breathing out and avoid calling daughters every few hours to ask about their blood pressure and the presence of any other symptoms. THey are fine. I know they are fine. And worrying won't keep them fine. And if I bug them they will just get scared themselves or swat me. I wrote a poem to my worry.

Worry

Worry, you gnaw
under ribs, howl
like winter wind.
I starve you, refuse
to toss you worst
case scenarios,
change all I can,
center energy,
inhale, exhale
pray, create,
use every skill
I've learned.
Still, you gnaw,
worry. I accept you.

Victoria Hendricks,
January 21, 2009

First day of new administration - hope still rising. It's quiet here tonight - long but good work day.

Poems for this Inauguration day - mine first - then the official praise song for the day written by Elizabeth Alexander. I'm still smiling everytime I hear the words "President" and "Obama" in the sae sentence.

Bloodless

No blood in the streets,
just marching bands,
tumblers, troops dancing,
guns lowered, salutes
exchanged, Ritual letter
left in drawer of Presidential
desk. Civilized passage of
mantle. Whatever happens
tomorrow,, I am thankful for
national tradition and institutions
which allow orderly change,
no blood in the streets.

Victoria Hendricks - January 20, 2009



'Praise Song for the Day'


Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others’ eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

ALEXANDER: A farmer consider the changing sky; A teacher says, “Take out your pencils. Begin.”

We encounter each other in words, Words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; Words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, “I need to see what’s on the other side; I know there’s something better down the road.”

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by “Love thy neighbor as thy self.”

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today’s sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

Elizabeth Alexander

I've been watching and listening to the inauguration of President Barack Obama all day - thank goodness for a liberal client base. Nobody wanted to do therapy today. I love our new President's speech, its inclusions of a balanced sense of our nation's history, not just the prouder moments. I like the call to live from our higher natures. He doesn't say "love not ego", but I think he says it in his own way, in his own words. It is my prayer for him, for all who work closely with him - that they come, every moment from love, not ego. In that vein, I love Obama's responsibility focus, and the statement that we need to "Pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off." his wish for us was that we proceed in hope, not fear - and I'll take that one, for sure.

It's been fun to watch the Obamas have fun - clearly enjoying the parade, the music, the bands. I like it that Michelle Obama lets herself move to the music, free relaxed. Barack Obama too seems so alive, moving to music. And of course, the little girls are darling.

I have especially been enjoying the interviews with people who were there throughout the Civil Rights Movement. I could hardly hear John Lewis over my own crying. He's come a long way from being beaten over the head on the Edmund Pettis Bridge.

I loved seeing Ted Kennedy able to participate in the festivities before he had a seizure at the celebration luncheon I just heard that he will probably be dismissed from the hospital tomorrow and that his seizure was probably caused by fatigue. I remember that Bobby Kennedy predicted that one day we would elect an African American President. I don't know how many believed him. Well, you were right Bobby. Wish you were here today

I hope that Hilary Clinton is confirmed tomorrow despite a certain idiot from Texas. I just heard the confirmation that Marian Robinson, Michelle Obama's mother will be living at the White House, which I think is good. The Obamas seem to be thoroughly enjoying the day. I believe they both understand how serious their work is, the work they have to do - but I think they are taking a break today and enjoying it. Me too. It feels so good to have this inauguration happening. Someone, maybe Jesse Jackson, refered to Dr. Martin Luther King as "the prophet and the President" - gives me good chills.

Even in all the excitement the stock market fell 350 more points. In the morning the work will get going for good. I am thankful to live in a country in whcich the transfer of power is orderly and civilized, decided by voters even in times of crisis. Right now on our TV former President Bush just called President Obama "a good man" and offered up prayers for him. So different than a coup.

I've been watching and listening all day - thank goodness for a liberal client base. Nobody wanted to do therapy today. I love the speech, its inclusions of a balanced sense of our nation's history, not just the prouder moments. I like the call to live from our higher natures. He doesn't say "love not ego", but I think he says it in his own way, in his own words

I love the responsibility focus, and the statement that we need to "Pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off."

I've also loved watching all the interviews and just watching the Obamas and the Bidens, especially those of people who were there throughout the Civil Rights Movement. I could hardly hear John Lewis over my own crying. He's come a long way from being beaten over the head on the Edmund Pettis Bridge.

I just heard that Ted Kennedy will probably be dismissed from the hospital tomorrow and that his seizure was probably caused by fatigue - as I think you wrote earlier - good to hear that more than once I hope that Hilary Clinton is confirmed tomorrow despite a certain idiot from Texas. I just heard the confirmation that Marian Robinson, Michelle Obama's mother will be living at the White House, which I think is good. I'm of the camp who believes the Obamas are thoroughly enjoying the day. I believe they both get how serious their work is, the work they have to do - but I think they are taking a break today and enjoying it. Me too. It feels so good to have this inauguration happening.

The time is always right to do what is right.
Martin Luther King Jr.


Today of course, was the actual holiday in honor of Martin Luther King, and I close my series of quotes from this great visionary with the one which I find simplest to remember if difficult to consistently enact.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today was a day of brotherhood and sisterhood - sitting with family and old friends, singing, exchanging gifts - laughing, remembering crying together, watching a new generation of children grow and awaiting two more babies.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I chose this quote for today because we've been watching, of and on, President Elect Obama and his family as they take the train from Philadelphia to Washington DC, emulating Lincoln's whistle stop trip to take office. It has been inspiring seeing the confidence and joy in the Obamas, and the hope and excitement in the cold crowds - no starless midnight.

It has been a crazy busy day and I feel off center but not unhappy - actually pretty happy, just stressed. Ruth's sisters-in-law gave a lovely shower for her and Chris this morning, really sweet. I enjoyed meeting more of Ruth's friends and seeing again a young woman, now at the University of Texas, who was one of Chris's students and debaters when he taught in Jourdonton.

This evening Bob and I started a tradition of every other week music appreciation, spaghetti supper with international dessert Saturday nights with the grand kids. We listened to Shoebird - a story with music in the tradition of Peter and the Wolf, based on a story by Eudora Welty. I think we started a little too late, because Zachary fell asleep and Danny was fighting sleep by the end, but all of us enjoyed at least parts of the story and music - K.K. definitely liked the story of birds getting shoes and then discovering that they could no longer fly. So did I.

Our dessert, like our music, and appropriate to inauguration week, I think, was American: two pies, one cherry, one apple. I tasted both but didn't over eat - and am pleased that my weight is at it's low (just barely) since I started losing in August, after a little expected blip for the holidays. On another food note, Danny continues to be our foodie in training. K.K. and Zachary are good eaters but like their food plain and predictable. Not Danny. He reminded me tonight that he wanted his sauce out of the pot I made for Bob and me - spicier with mushrooms and he tried both pies, deciding he preferred cherry. He is the one who asks me what spice I'm putting in something and why and who reminds me that he wants to taste anything new I cook. I enjoy that about him.

K.K. is growing up so. She went today to a bat Mitzvah for a dancer friend, and is going to a party at the Main Event (bowling and other games) for the same girl tomorrow. Almost all the kids from the Level 4b ballet class attended the bat mitzvah, (including Ian looking according to K.K. VERY GOOD< not just good, Grandma). They seemed very grown up and elegant attending together. I'm proud of our girl.

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

That quote is especially powerful for me. I'm not thinking as much about religious faith, exactly, at least not any partiular theology, but about the choice to put one foot in front of the other and take the next little risk, to keep loving and lifing actively, knowing that the bottom can fall out in any way at any moment. I have no idea what the whole staircase looks like, and know I can't know. Taking each step is enough.

For an encouraging (to me at least) glimpse of President-elect Barack Obama's dreams for his own daughters and all our children, check out this link: http://www.parade.com/export/sites/default/news/2009/01/barack-obama-letter-to-my-daughters.html.

In the same vein - my Martin Luther King Jr. quote for the day is about his dream for his children. We all know this quote, but it seems especially relevant with Barack Obama about to take the Presidential oath.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tonight I'm thinking about Gaza, and all the sorrow and violence between Isreal and Palestinians. This situation stymies me. I don't know how it will ever be resolved.
Martin Luther King Jr said:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

My prayer is that somehow, love, not fear, ego, revenge guide decisions regarding Gaza.

My poem on the subject is one I would never have written if my friend Diane hadn't given us a terribly difficult prompt in Skywriters.

Unholy Land

Gaza Strip.
Golan Heights.
Jereuselum.
Isreal.
Palestine.
Holy Land.
Unholy land.
Jew kills Arab mother.
Arab kills Jewish child.
Jewish father weeps.
Arab father mourns.
Jews feel they are victims,
figting to keep homeland.
Arabs feel they are victims
fighting to claim homeland.
Killing will continue
as long as both peoples
believe pain allows violence.

Victoria Hendricks, January 14, 2009

In terms of both the inauguration and service in general, I am thinking about power, its use and misuse.

I am not interested in power for power's sake, but I'm interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Transfer of Power - Inauguration, 2009

My power to do good and my power
to do harm are equal. The difference is choice.
Same for George Bush. Same for Barack Obama.

George Bush, as you remove Presidential mantle,
you know, we know, the choices you made
History will tally result, good and harm together.

Barack Obama, as you receive Presidential mantle,.
remember it's weight, it's purpose, earth's need.
Your people pray you use its power for good.

Victoria Hendricks, January 12, 2009