Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

This may be my favorite courage quote yet this month -one that's new to me. Once again I had a day that didn't require real courage, just persistence, discipline, perspective. It has been a long work week. My weeks alternate shorter and longer and this was a longer. The weekend stretches invitingly ahead.

Whoever said anybody has a right to give up? Marian Wright Edelman

Good ordinary day - precooking in ggod shape, laundry done, everybody well as far as I know, work invigorating, Bob home, the Lonhorns still in the winners' bracket, writing happening, friends in my life - good ordinary day.

I can only embrace my courage to the extent that I accept my vulnerability.
Dorothy Baldwin Satten

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill

Good long mixed day. Bob and I started out with a visit with Joanna, Tracy and ANDREA. (The big KDZ are still at the ranch). It was so pleasant to just hang out and talk baseball, books, babies in their home - peaceful. Then Ruth,Chris and Liam came over and Ruth took pictures of Liam (Thing One) and Andrea (Thing Two) with me in their little red costumes like the characters from The Cat In The Hat. Back before the babies were born we joked about who would be Thing One and who would be Thing Two regarding birth order and somewhere in the process Ruth bought the sweet sleepers - good to have the pictures today even though I didn't brush my hair before being caught on camera with a precious double armful. Part of the urgency regarding the pictures was that thought the garments are the same size Thing One and Thing Two are NOT - Liam having had a major recent growth spurt - so we wanted to catch them while the costumes still fit. For a peek you can check out http://liamslife.shutterfly.com/ourgalleries or http://andreasgrace.shutterfly.com/. Note the difference in foot size between the two "things" and the hand holding which was spontaneous, not posed.

After family time Bob and Bill and I met to do our Snowflake Method writing meeting. I like the way this is flowing for me. They seem to feel the same. Step two, to turn the original sentence into a paragraph which lays out the basic progression of the novel int "three disasters and a resolutoin" is still short enough to share in the blog - so here is where I am so far. I did, obviously choose my first option about the two old friends starting a clinic.

Snowflake Step One

Two middle aged therapists risk danger and personal failure when they open a clinic for the uninsured in a tough neighborhood.


Snowflake Step Two

Libby and Becca, former college roommates, in their late fifties now, rekindle reconnect in an effort to establish a low cost mental health clinic for the uninsured in the now rundown hose the shared during the seventies. Libby, a therapist has just left her state agency job in disgust at failures of the system and Becca’s husband has asked her for a divorce, so both are at cross roads and crises of competence. The challenge of restoring the house and opening the clinic doors shakes both women as they discover the deterioration and increased violence of the neighborhood, but they find unexpected allies who help them continue. Once the clinic is open, Libby struggles with questions of ethics and competence as case after case tests her sense of her professional skills. After Becca is stabbed by the mother of a child the women have been working to find placement for, her husband pleads with her to return to the marriage. She and Libby both must decide whether to abandon or continue their dream.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh” A.A Milne

The above quote reings very true. Almopst everyone I know is harder on him/herself than on anyone else. Makes me sad. I approve of high standards for self - and at the same time, I think we, like our children, function best when viewed through the eyes of love.

Bob and I had a very productive organizing weekend, and a fun weekend. And the Longhorns won the first World Series game - though not elegantly. THey could probably use the above quote tonight. A kick of game watching was the four generational nature of our experience. Bob's Dad called when the game was over and Joanna was on the phone with us through most of it. Liam, who we kept for about an hour, seemed to be intrigued by the movement and excitement on the TV. Odd the things that pass through generations, picked up by some, ignored by others. I wonder which if any of the next generation will be baseball fans.

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost

Today was a good day with Bob - the kind of easy busy productive day summers give us. We rearranged art and family pictures and cut book covers for his class next year and it was FUN, just being able to be together and do those things.

Another stormy night, though not as extreme as last night. I'm glad it's Friday. This feels like the first regular weekend of summer - Bob home already, no huge plans, lots of little projects to do. I'm a happy thankful sleepyhead tonight - a good feeling but not productive of much writing.


Courage without conscience is a wild beast.
Robert G. Ingersoll

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.
Ralph W. Sockman

Stormy night - tornados between ther girls' house and ours. Big hail, but it seems like less damage than one would expect. All of us safe. The kids took shelter in the c loset under the stairs for a while.

We took care of Liam while Ruth and Chris celebrated their anniversary. He cried some, but I waas mostly able to comfort him. He was good.

Moral cowardice that keeps us from speaking our minds is as dangerous to this country as irresponsible talk. The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character.
Margaret Chase Smith

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.
Helen Keller

Bob and I watched New York Ballet doing Romeo and Juliet (Prokoviev) on DVD - gorgeous innovative sets and costumes, superb male dancers. The second act, the tragic act, really caught me - but I still have trouble with the commentary saying Romeo and Juliet is the greatest love story. It seems more a story of revenge and impulse than truly of love. In the greatest love story (romantic love) I'd see the lovers live many years and grow old together, hurt and forgive each other, overcome obstacles and losses, rejoice together too, not just mourn. Tragedies are cathartic and beautiful, but I think the best love story would not be a tragedy, but a tale of transformation and growth.

Zachary's little birthday party was a delight. We gave him a little blue camel back pack to take on the trip later this summer and he loved it and used it while playing in the yard and riding his bike - well celebrated boy. We played a game at the table - What is one reason you like having Zachary in the world. here are some of our answers.

Grandma - He is strong and kind and the world needs more people who are both strong and kind.

Grandpa - He has a great smile and the world needs more smiles.

Auntie - He comes into the room and says "I just love today."

K.K. - He's funny. He makes me laugh.

Danny - He shares his toys and plays with me.

David - He was born on my birthday and is my very good friend.

Bob and I had a really restful nap after the party and then went on to delight in the Longhorn's baseball victory over TCU for a trip to the COllege WOrld Series in Omaha. Go Horns!

In the process of listening to baseball coverage I learned that today is Jakie Robinson Day, so it seems right to use a courage quote by that man.


Whatever obstacles I found made me fight all the harder. But it would have been impossible for me to fight at all, except that I was sustained by the personal and deep-rooted belief that my fight had a chance.
Jackie Robinson

Good long day - hard in moments because I think I'm tired on some level. I love having Bob home. We went to another basebnall game today and the Longhorns lost - which means another game tomorrow which we'd best win. It's not til evening. Ryuth and Chris invited us to their house for supper - delicious as usual - asiago sausage and artichokes with homemade pasta. Yum! After supper we walked on a trail in their neighborhood - Liam first in stroller then in mobie wrap falling asleep on his Mommy and enjoyed the full moon. It put on a show playing peek-a-boo with the clouds. We played a question game, each of us asking a question which all of us answered - made for much good introspection and sharing. I'll share the questions here and my own answers. Again, the names of the questioneres are in parentheses but the answers are my own only.

(Bob) What book that you read this year was your favorite - Lost Boys by Orsan Scott Card

(Victoria) What would question about yourself or your life would you most want to have answered this time next year? Do I want to change focus between therapy work and writing wisdom work and/or fiction and if so how?

(Ruth) What is the hardest truth you have learned about yourself this year? My level of anxiety/struggle as perceived by many who love me is inconsistent with my view of myself as a happy person and troubles some who love me.

(Ruth) What is the happiest truth you have learned about yourself this year? I like myself body and role and personhood, at the age I am and really am not much afraid of the losses of aging in the way that I once was.

I love talks like this.

I'm nervous tonight because we are going to have a little late birthday party here for Zachary tomorrow (Bob's idea and he's right the kid should have a celebration with grandparents) I'm just not in the mood for hostessing even at a light level and have never been much of a birthday person. Bob will do most of it and I bet I'll have a happy report tomorrow.

Today's courage piece is poem not simple quote, by my friend Peggy Goetz, upon having met and listened to Sister Helen Prejean inspiration for Dean Man Walking., the oper and and the film. The opera is one of the strongest works of art I've ever seen. It has no simple interpretation for me, but calls up the courage to rexamine deep splits in my beliefs on complex issues. For more about Sister Helen, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Prejean and especially her blog http://www.sisterhelen.org/

Meeting the Monster

Sister Helen was afraid to meet
him, a young man condemned
to die for a brutal crime. She
wondered would she be able
to talk to him, to even look at him,
this monster. Writing a letter of
spiritual support was one thing,
but meeting quite another. She
caught her breath with the sound
of a door behind the plexiglass.
And then he was just a man,
so ordinary, so human, pale
in chains, alone, scared
to die, young. She looked
the Monster in the face
and it changed her life.

Peggy Goetz, June 5, 2009

Conscience is the root of all true courage; if a man would be brave let him obey his conscience.
James Freeman Clarke

Good day - Bob's home and the Longhorn baseball team won and K.K. visited and watched a DVD with classic choreography by Balanchine. I bought groceries for healthy summer cooking but haven't actually cooked yet - just keep munching cherries. Yum!

When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

Henry David Thoreau

I chose tonight's courage quote in honor of my sweet husband who understands and experiences the glory and power of music as deeply as anyone I have ever known. He is now home for the summer. HOORAY!!!!! I am writing short tonight for obvious reasons.

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.
Erich Fromm

Good courage quote for the beginning of a writing project, I think.

Several of you have expressed interest in my Show Flake Method project The link to Randy Ingermanson's description of this method for creating a plan for a novel is http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/snowflake.php. The greatest news is that Bob is joining Bill and me. He has been wanting to try young people's fiction and this very structured method appeals to him - actually more than it does to Bill and me, and he has a great first step.

The description of the first step of the Snow Flake Method - from the web site I referenced, is:

Step 1) Take an hour and write a one-sentence summary of your novel. Something like this: "A rogue physicist travels back in time to kill the apostle Paul." (This is the summary for my first novel, Transgression.) The sentence will serve you forever as a ten-second selling tool. This is the big picture, the analog of that big starting triangle in the snowflake picture.

For myself, I was getting frustrated - am so much the "seat of the pants" writer, but I took a long walk yesterday and focused on the method and something clicked. I came up with three rough first steps and then realised that all three have the same theme in a way - the same reason fro being. So, even if I don't know what story I want to tell or how it will go I know WHY I want to tell a story right now, and for that I thank the snowflake. Here are my three roughies. I'd very much appreciate that anyone who reads this vote on which is most appealing.

My theme or purpose for writing is something like "In the early twenty first century people of different ages and backgrounds connect and pool understandings and strengths to face challenges."

Option One - Working Title Clinic Two middle aged therapists risk danger and personal failure when they open a clinic for the uninsured in a tough neighborhood.

Option two - Working Title Ghost A fourth grader, her recovering addict father, a young kindergarten teacher, a retiring janitor, and the school librarian work together to decode messages from an obstreperous ghost in order to find hidden money needed to save the school's music program.

Option three - A divorced nurse discovers purpose through lost stories while deciding what to do with her family home in a small Texas town.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.
Soren Kierkegaard

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.

Maya Angelou

I didn't need any particular courage today, a day of meaningful work, not really stretching my edges but feeling useful. I do see courage every day in my clients. I guess my act of courage for the day is yet to come - finishing the Snowflake Method challenge and coming up with at least one novel "seed" to share with Bill tomorrow at lunch. This is very hard for me, starting in this systematic way, not natural, and I REALLY want to at least begin the process in real earnest.

Great day with Liam - such a sweet life, music time, story time,, naps in the chair. I want June to be a month of new beginnning on rhis blog - an experiment of a theme for a month. Out of mt hat, I pick courage for June, and start with a quote from a woman I much admire.


You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.Eleanor Roosevelt